a BRING YOUR OWN MAT moment

In her novel White Oleander, Jane Fritch suggests that beauty is something to be used, "like a hammer or a key". Thats your assignment, Pisces. Find practical ways to make your beauty work for you. For example, invoke it to help you win friends and influence people. Put it into action to drum up new opportunities and hunt down provocative invitations. And don't tell me you possess insufficient beauty to accomplish these things. I guarantee you that you have more than enough. To understand why I'm so sure, you may have to shed some ugly definitions of beauty you've unconsciously absorbed from our warped culture. - Rob Brezsny of Free Will Astrology

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Big Bend

I remember hiking up Enchanted Rock for the first time Sun was about to rise for the New Year.
This is a mind blowing granite dome shaped rock. Aye! My son and I brought along a neighbor and her son because they wanted to know what we were doing heading up so early on New Years.

As I stood at the bottom of that thing I had stories in my head to convince me there was no way to do this.
Then my son holds my hand and tells me, "Lets GO!"

Here I was trekking it and then *Katie started crying about how she couldn't do this, it was just too much and I could see the fear in her, but her son held her hands and assured her it was going to be okay.
We continued to trek but inside me I started sensing her fear to which led me starting to feel afraid myself.
I see her kid and mine further ahead of us and I didn't want to let my son see me give up and I had no clue what was at the top.

*Katie looked like she was going to pass out and asked if I had a lighter so she could smoke and I was like, "Girl I don't smoke?" Then I hear this loud scream coming out of her and was calling for her son, he came running to console her and she collapsed at a boulder in panic. I thought to myself WTH.
For the first time I saw what fear looked like. She couldn't see herself going up and physically created all these stories as to why she couldn't continue on. I told her to stay here and drink some of my water and that I will take her son and go up and we will make our way down to her. As her son tried to run up in excitement to catch up to Isaac my son. She called for him to stay and he looked at me with confusion because he wanted to go but also felt bad for his Mom.

The rest of my climb up I was just letting that whole experience sink in. I get to the top and this emotional feeling came over me. The year behind was rough a transition a change that was forced on me that I wasn't prepared to deal with and finding myself on top of this rock created this empowering feeling.

My son holds my hand and we looked at each other and said Bad Ass  New Year.

Point: We tell these stories in our heads of why we shouldn't do something. Some of us continue on regardless. We can hold someone back and then a few of us will encourage one another to keep going because this life is mine alone and shouldn't bring anyone down with me because of my fear.

We went to Big Bend this past week to hike that bad boy and my girlfriend said, "Joy I think the reason why you never did this before is because of the shit your family did to you when you were a kid." I told her, "More than that, it wasn't so much the abuse but I was never told I could do anything. That I could be anybody."

My 13 year old has always known without me saying anything he can do anything. The experiences in his life and how he has seen mine is that we are capable of anything.


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